(I think Sarah probably did a post similar to this when she got married, I think I remember reading something like it....)
A few months ago I girded my loins and headed into the Social Security Office and changed my last name to McKenzie. I say girded because (well, mainly, it makes me feel smarter) here lately I've felt like I have some sort of social anxiety disorder. I'm perfectly fine in situations with people I know and places I am familiar with, but when you take away my comfort zone I will do my best to talk myself out of performing necessary tasks or getting things done. I prefer to have a partner in crime to make me feel safe. Same goes with phone calls to places like credit card companies, banks, etc. I guess recognizing it is half the battle, because I've started forcing myself to work through it. Hrmmm. Anywho, I'm off original topic. (But anyone reading this probably realizes how I love tangents.)
I've been a Creviston for 28 years, and a pseudo-McKenzie for 8 months. At first it was very strange, and somewhat hurtful to leave myself behind like that. I've grown used to who Suzin Creviston is, and I knew her pretty well. But who the crap is Suzin McKenzie?! Maybe not everyone will understand this, but changing a last name feels like a complete overhaul, like I'm throwing part of myself away to make room for something new. That would be the positive outlook on it. It also feels like abandonment. I've always been a Creviston; now I am a McKenzie.
Today Scott and I traveled to the Fishers Bureau of Motor Vehicles (which is my favorite branch, I never have to wait more than ten minutes to be helped, and everyone speaks English). I had a long list of tasks to accomplish, which is why I procrastinated to this period of the year (plate renewal, license renewal, last name change, address change all at once. One fell swoop). I attempted a couple of weeks ago to complete this but was turned away for not having two forms of new address, just one. I managed to renew my license and plates online, so those things were taken care of. But today I had a car title to put in my name, and a new address, and a NEW NAME. After about twenty minutes of Xeroxing, "legal checks", standard questions, photos, and touch-screen signatures, I walked out with a stack of papers declaring my status change. And in ten business days I'll receive my new license and plate.
Driving out of the parking lot, I turned to Scott and declared, "Now I'm really a McKenzie!" He smiled, laughed a little, and said I'm still on probation. I guess the Board of McKenzies still has to meet and vote me in as a permanent member (or so he says).
I guess what really counts is I don't have to think so hard about signing "Suzin M. McKenzie" instead of "Creviston" on important things now. Though my heart did whimper a little at the BMV when I saw "Creviston" on one of the documents the employee was shuffling around.
You know, I was thinking about the whole name change thing and how angry I would be if I ever had to change my last name. I'm starting to see why women sometimes don't do it. And yet in 25 years will it still be as big a deal? You'll be fully entrenched in that name and all of the sudden it will define you. Heck, I'm slowly forgetting the maiden names of people I went to high school and college.
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